Panic Has Set In! (orginally posted 5/27/11)

This year is unique for me because it also marks my 15th Miss Delaware Anniversary (wow…that went fast!).  Miss Delaware Anniversaries are always special for us “has-beens” because we are invited back to the Miss Delaware stage to perform.  At my ten year reunion, I told everyone that the occasion also marked the last time I would dance on the Miss DE stage.  I know that I’m getting older, less in shape, and less flexible and I really want people to remember me as the dancer that I was, not the current dancer that feels the need to shout “I used to be good” after my performance. 

BUT…shortly after my 10 year anniversary my daughter Brynn came into my life. Even when I was a teenager, I dreamed of some day dancing with my daughter.  So, last year when Brynn at age 3 was getting ready to start ballet, it hit me that I could actually make my dream come true.  A year ago, I decided to get back on the stage one last time.  It seemed like a good idea at the time!!!

This past weekend my Aunt told me that she had seen my name in the Newspaper.   She said the paper made it look like I was dancing at Miss Delaware.  When I told her that I was indeed performing she said, “Can you still dance?”.    Ummmm….not really!?  And the panic set in!  I have not set foot in a dance class in about 10 years (well that’s not exactly true but I doubt the toddler classes that I teach have really helped much).   WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?! 

Pausing to take a deep breath….

I have done some rehearsing lately with both Brynn and Cooper (Miss DE 2001 who is celebrating her 10 year anniversary and has not changed a bit).  Coop and I have decided that in order to take some of the pressure off we are going to do a dance together as well (So I really never have to be on the stage by myself).  Cooper and I have danced together since we were very young so it definitely feels very natural to have her by my side one last time.  However, I must admit that the actual dancing part was a bit rough.  We did get a good laugh at ourselves though.  We have agreed that we only have one high kick left in us so we are going to save it for the show

The truth of the matter is that I knew that if I never took this opportunity to dance with Brynn that I would always regret it.  I think that sometimes you have to just live your dream and try not to worry about what others think.  I still feel very panicked about getting on that stage but at least I will have Brynn or Cooper by my side. My biggest fear is that I will disappoint people which is silly…because the people that I care about are the people who would be proud even if I fell on my face.  Who knew how much pressure us old “has-beens” feel!?  So, if you happen to be in the audience on one of the nights that I dance, please just look beyond the creaky old joints and know that I’m just a girl living a dream and remember…”I used to be good!”