Irrational Mama Post

Disclaimer:  I am an emotional basket-case right now.  The death of a friend, watching two friends fight for their lives, huge personal and career decisions to be made, the start of a school year (including my girl deciding this morning that she no longer needs Mama to walk her to her classroom), getting my house ready for a bridal shower and pending surgeries for both kids are just a few of the thing weighing on my mind right now.  The below post is a total irrational Mama Moment.  In the grand scheme of things this is probably me making a mountain out of a mole hill but...I'm understandably incapable of rational thought at the moment.  Enjoy:)

Both of my babies are scheduled for surgery next week.  I'm totally bugging out...

Colton is having tubes put in his ears.  Not that I'm in anyway saying I'm stress free about this one but at least it's round three for this particular surgery (or round 4 if you count Brynn's too).  We pretty much know what to expect and dread (at the top of this list is the post-anesthesia rage that leaves my child in a total head-spinning gremlin kind of demeanor).  I feel prepared and am just praying that we don't have any complications like we did the first round.  However, if we do have complications this time, we have learned some valuable lessons along the way and will be much more equipped to handle the situation.

Brynn is having her tonsils and adenoids removed.  I'm in a total panic about this!!!  I realize (somewhere WAY in the back of my mind) that in the grand scheme of things this is a minor thing.  However, when it's your baby about to go through it...it doesn’t seem so minor.  Our pediatrician had warned us months ago that this was probably in Brynn's future due to back to back to back strep throat.  She kept treating her with higher doses of antibiotics and the strep just wasn't responding at all.  I think it was the 5th or 6th time that I had called her in as many weeks that she told us that we needed to see the ENT asap.  I probably should have seen the writing on the wall at this point but I was still hoping the ENT would wave a magic wand and we could avoid this whole tonsillectomy thing.

The ENT did not wave a magic wand that day.  He did however manage to scare the crap out of me.  Because of the constant infections Brynn's "healthy" tonsils now look something like this:


                                      Picture coming soon...stupid computer!


That is not a picture of Brynn.  Her tonsils actually look worse than that because hers are touching.  Because her tonsils are so swollen they are a hot bed for bacteria and they are causing some pretty serious sleep apnea.  This was no surprise to Dan and I because we hear her choking and coughing several times a night.  So, in non-medical terms, Brynn literally stops breathing several times a night because her tonsils are so swollen.  Obviously...not good.  In fact, because her sleep apnea is such a big issue Brynn will have to stay overnight in the hospital (most kids get to go home).  I didn't ask many questions about this. To be honest, I'm thrilled that she is going to stay overnight!  I feel much better knowing that there is going to be a doctor nearby for at least 24 hours.  Once, I get her home I'm on my own but while she is in the hospital and can ask questions and share concerns to my hearts content.

We were not thrilled but left the ENT feeling confident that a tonsillectomy was necessary and the right thing.  However, once we started talking to people about the surgery people started to tell us awful horror stories.  People have actually said things like, "That is the worst thing I have ever gone through",  "That is a REALLY tough surgery for a kid. You need to prepare yourself" and,  "OMG!  That is SO painful".  So...now I'm straight-up terrified.  I don't think people were actually trying to scare me as much as prepare me but come on people sometimes...ignorance is bliss!!!

So how does a terrified Mama explain a tonsil and adenoidectomy to a very intuitive five year old?  I have NO clue?!?!  I want to be honest with her in a non-scary kind of way but I've never been through this so I really don't know.  I purchased a book to help out but it talks about "a magic mask that gives you happy air and makes you go to sleep" and states that "The best thing about getting your tonsils out is that you can only do it once.  Uhhhh...sorry, but that seems a little scary not to mention misleading!!

At this point we have told her as little as possible (remember...ignorance is sometimes bliss) and really talked up the all-you-can eat ice pops and ice cream.

I hate this, I feel scared, I feel totally helpless...I want to take my babies, run away and hide our heads in the sand!

September 12th is surgery day for both kids.  Prayers for all of us would be greatly appreciated!!  I wonder if they could let me take a hit from that magic mask?