Where is My Instruction Book?

I remember somewhere in my pregnancy with Brynn it occurred to me that I had no idea how to parent.  I am the youngest (very spoiled) of three children.  At that time, I already had several nieces and nephews and I had watched my siblings and their spouses parent.  I had even borrowed the occasional niece and nephew for a night but there are fundamental differences between being an Aunt and being a Mom.  As an Aunt my mission was just to spoil them rotten and when they were rotten I could just give them back.  So it was quite a shock to me to realize that I was going to be responsible for actually developing a child into a full fledged, responsible, well-behaved, well-mannered person.  That's a ton of responsibility and pressure!

So what does any soon-to-be Mom do when she comes to the realization that she has no idea what she is doing?  I read the books of course....ALL of the books!  I poured over What to Expect The First Year, What to Expect the Toddler Years, The Ferber Method, Raising a Disciplined Child, Etc.  By the time Brynn actually came along, I was all set to be the perfect Mom and I knew it.   Besides....all of the books ensured me that parenting would come naturally and I would handle each parenting dilemma with grace as they came at me.   AHHHH  HAAAAA   HAAAH....oh how naive!

You know what I learned from those books...a big fat NOTHING!!!  The Authors of those books have obviously never had a child of their own!   The Ferber Method (maybe it's Ferver...who knows?) for example is all about getting your child to sleep through the night and letting them "cry it out".  To be honest this method may work...if you are able to tear your heart out of your chest for a few days so that you no longer care about the heart wrenching sobs coming from your child.  The toddler years talks about using "time out" for a form of discipline for your two-year-old.  I think this may have actually been a misprint.  It  probably actually meant to say that you should put YOURSELF in timeout because honestly who has a two-year-old that will sit where you put him/her for more than 10 seconds?  None of those books told me what to when my 4-year-old threw a temper tantrum in the middle of the school hallway.  None of those books told me what to do when my 1-year-old decides it's fun to climb to the top of the couch and jump off!  And I don't know about the rest of the parents out there but that "grace" that was supposed to come along while I was handling those situations did not happen!

Anyway...I digress.  So what really happened with our first few years of parenting is that Dan and I just bumbled through.  We laughed, we cried, we made mistakes and we learned a ton.  We learned so much that when we became pregnant with Colton we were much more comfortable with our abilities to parent.  We were ready this time!  AHHHHHH  HAAAAAA   HAAAAAA...so naive.

What I have learned is that we are completely starting over in learning about parenting.  The thing about kids is that there are no two exactly like.  Brynn and Colton have VERY different personalities!  Brynn is a rule follower.  She is the kind of kid that wants to know what the boundaries are then she is happy to stay within them.  Colton is a rule tester.  He wants to know what the boundaries are and then he wants to challenge them...repeatedly!  The things that worked for Brynn just don't work for Colton so here we are back at square one.  Don't get me wrong here...I love every single moment of being a parent and there is a huge part of me that loves the challenge of figuring out what will work.  However, once again, there is another part of me that is worried that we may never figure it out.  Maybe I should give "How to Raise a Disciplined Child" another read...nah.

So let me tell you a sneaky thing that parents know about parenting but we can never let the children catch on to...NONE OF US HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WE ARE DOING!!!!!  We are all just bumbling through while hoping and praying that we are doing the right thing and that our decisions are helping our children develop into mini-Einsteins and not mini-hoodlums.  There is no magic instruction book and even if someone could tell you what worked for their child...it wouldn't work for yours!  And...just when you think you have figured your child out they will come up with a new way to challenge you.  Parenting is the best-most amazing-scariest journey anyone will ever take!  The best that we can hope for is a lot of laughter, some tears, plenty of mistakes and to learn a lot!